


Should I Wait Around And See What It's Like To Lose My Senses

by Ayzup



Series: Step One: Come A Little Closer [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Blind Betrayal, mild existential crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 22:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayzup/pseuds/Ayzup
Summary: After discovering he's a synth, Danse worries about where he stands with MacCready.





	Should I Wait Around And See What It's Like To Lose My Senses

Danse would probably never feel at ease in Goodneighbor. He was still getting used to thinking of himself as a synth, though it had only been a month. It was undeniably difficult to accept that he turned out to be the very thing he hated, but it was not as impossible as he thought it would be.

When Nora showed up at the bunker, Danse was ready for death, and Nora even told him that she had been sent by Elder Maxson to execute him as a traitor. Instead of doing her duty, she convinced him to stay alive; he had so much to live for. She even defended him when Arthur arrived to ensure the deed was done, and whether it was sheer luck or the puzzling notion that she somehow had the Elder wrapped around her finger, Nora managed to convince him to walk away. Danse was indebted to her beyond what he could repay, but she had just smiled, squeezed his hand, and told him to consider aiding the Minutemen - Preston would be glad to have him onboard.

The former Paladin doubted her claim at first, but after a few days, when he returned to Sanctuary, he was surprised when Garvey extended the invitation himself, with no indication that Nora had coerced him to do so (which probably wouldn’t have been that difficult in the first place, given their romantic involvement).

Another surprise came shortly after his return to Sanctuary when Detective Valentine offered his availability to talk should Danse feel any inclination. Danse had not yet taken him up on the offer, though not from lack of desire. He realized this was a metaphorical olive branch, a generous gesture after the way the soldier had treated the synth detective. He knew he would always see synths as abominations, but he could no longer alienate those who could help him deal with the fact that he, too, was an abomination.

Danse’s biggest worry, however, had been MacCready. Ever since a bizarre yet enlightening conversation with the resident Railroad agent, he had stopped letting his fear of attachment get in the way of developing a more meaningful relationship with the sniper. Not to say that MacCready had not been patient with Danse - he had a surprising amount of patience for the soldier working through his feelings, especially when one considered his lack of patience for just about everything else in the Commonwealth.

MacCready had not been at the settlement when Danse returned, but he showed up just a couple of days later (with Deacon in tow, covered in blood and sporting a grin) and all but tackled Danse in a hug. Unexpected, as they had never been particularly physically affectionate in front of the others, but not unwelcome.

_“Are you okay? Nora told me Maxson came after you. I can’t believe they’d turn their backs on you; you were their best soldier,” MacCready said, worry and anger apparent in his voice. Danse felt his chest constrict; so it was possible he already knew what Danse was._

_“They were just following the morals of the Brotherhood. But RJ, did Nora tell you why Maxson came after me?”_

_“Yeah, she did, and I was the one who punched Hancock for laughing at the irony of it.” MacCready must have been expecting some sort of reaction, because when Danse gave him none, the sniper reached down with one hand to lace their fingers together. “Hey, I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through right now, but I’m still going to be here for you, okay? This doesn’t change anything between us.”_

_Danse frowned at the smaller man. “How could you want to be with something like me? A machine?” His voice was barely audible, as though he did not want to hear the words coming out of his own mouth._

_“Because we’re all fu- screwed up in some way. Loving someone means taking all of the bad with the good and standing by them anyway.”_

_Danse was too shocked to say anything, but before the logical part of his brain kicked in, he leaned down to kiss MacCready, bringing his free hand up to gently hold the side of the shorter man’s face. The two of them stood like that for a long, tender moment until someone behind MacCready cleared their throat._

_“I’m sure you two can - and will - pick up where you left off later, but I’d really like to go update Charmer on our job so I don’t have to be covered in mutant hound blood anymore,” Deacon said, looking far less ashamed for witnessing the spectacle than honor would dictate. As Danse watched the two of them walk away, his anxieties about where he stood as a synth with MacCready were not entirely assuaged, but as long as MacCready knew the truth, there was nothing more Danse could do._

Now, a month later, while almost everything about Danse’s life had changed, things between him and MacCready stayed pretty much the same. They shared a bed whenever they were both at Sanctuary, and no one paid them much mind when they spent a good chunk of their down time together. They still were not particularly affectionate in front of the others unless they had not seen each other in a few days, and Danse still had not returned MacCready’s admission of love with one of his own. He wanted to - oh God, how he wanted to - but MacCready also had not said it again, and Danse wondered if he had meant it, or if it had just been the right thing to say in that moment.

In assisting the Minutemen, Danse often went to different settlements to help the people defend themselves against raiders, super mutants, or mole rat infestations. Sometimes he traveled with Nora, since she was the General, but when he was sent by himself, he usually brought MacCready for company and backup. This time, they had gone down to deal with some feral ghouls at Hangman’s Alley, which had taken longer than anticipated since the ferals seemed to crawl out of every crevice imaginable. As such, it was already starting to get dark by the time they were finished.

MacCready announced that he could go for a drink and dragged Danse off to Goodneighbor; the mercenary did not feel comfortable in Diamond City, and the Great Green Jewel of the Commonwealth had gained a stronger Brotherhood presence since Danse’s exile, so the former Paladin knew that if he showed up there, he would be shot on sight. So Goodneighbor it was, and Danse found himself sitting at the bar in the Third Rail, not too far from a ghoul couple that was getting more affectionate with each drink, and being served by a Mr. Handy with an attitude that reminded Danse of what he once heard about the pre-war mafia. The part of the Brotherhood that was still ingrained in him was wary of his surroundings, and the newfound synth side of him still had not figured out how to ‘act natural,’ hence the general uneasiness.

MacCready had started out sitting next to Danse (between him and the ghouls), but found someone he knew and started asking them about their business… something to do with an old beer-serving robot from Beantown Brewery from what Danse could gather of their conversation. He sipped on his beer and minded his own business. He was thinking about what to suggest to Garvey in terms of defense of Hangman’s Alley against another onslaught of ferals - preferable without requiring that they build more turrets - when someone other than MacCready took the seat next to him.

“Here by yourself tonight, handsome?” said a woman with dark hair, darker eyes, and a red dress that would make every squire aboard the Prydwen blush without fail. Danse recognized her as the bar’s singer, though he did not remember her name.

“Actually, I-” he began, but was cut off by his new companion.

“Say, haven’t I seen you around before?”

“Probably not. I, er, don’t usually come out this way.” If showing up in Diamond City as an exile of the Brotherhood would get him shot, admitting to any affiliation with them - past or present - in a place like this would likely get him stabbed.

“Are you sure?” I know I would never forget a face like yours, among other… assets.” She gave him a rather lewd once-over, and it was Danse who was blushing like a squire. “Maybe after tonight, you’ll remember my best assets as well.”

“If anyone forgets your voice, Magnolia, their only worth is being super mutant food,” MacCready interjected before Danse had to come up with a response of his own. Magnolia turned her tantalizing stare to MacCready.

“Well well, if it isn’t Merc MacCready. I almost didn’t recognize you not begging for caps in the V.I.P. lounge.”

“I found a new gig.” MacCready was leaning against Danse at this point, and he was not drunk because he ordered one drink and left it on the bar when he went to talk to his friend.

“Is that how you know him?” Magnolia’s gaze returned to Danse.

“In ways you’ll only dream about, Mags.” Danse’s eyes widened as Magnolia started to laugh. MacCready grabbed him by the belt loop and started pulling him toward the stairs. Danse waited until they made it past the bouncer and out the door before opening his mouth.

“I thought you wanted a drink,” was what came out, despite actually wanting to question MacCready’s parting words to Magnolia.

“I’m sure Fred Allen at Hotel Rexford has a bottle or two along with the chems he sells if you really insist.” The Hotel Rexford was precisely where MacCready was leading them; the glowing sign above the entrance was difficult to miss.

Danse didn’t press the issue that was really weighing on him until they made it up to their room - Fred indeed had a bottle of moonshine for them - and he MacCready draped over him after a round of much more vocal sex than they typically partook in at Sanctuary. The soldier’s fingertips were lazily tracing up and down the sniper’s spine as his mind wandered back to the bar.

“What was that about?” MacCready looked up when Danse posed the question.

“You’ve lost me, big guy.”

“Back at the bar, what you said to that singer - Magnolia? - what was that about?” Danse did not have to further specify what he meant as MacCready sat up enough to properly look him in the face.

“I wanted her to know where we stood. I don’t like watching people flirt with you.” He frowned in that small way that told Danse he was serious about something.

“RJ, what are you talking about?” Danse sat up as well, though he did not let MacCready stray beyond his arm’s length. The sniper let out a chuckle.

“You know, you’re the only person who calls me that.” Danse blinked.

“I guess I thought calling you RJ would be… less formal given the nature of our relationship,” he explained, leaning forward to brush the hair (still damp with sweat) from MacCready’s eyes. “You’re avoiding my question.”

“Magnolia’s not the first person to flirt with you, Danse. Heck, she’s not even the first _today_. And maybe I get a little jealous sometimes because we have to be professionals when we’re out representing the Minutemen, but I want everyone to know you’re mine. I don’t share.”

For the first time in a month, Danse did not feel like a landmine around which everyone was carefully treading. He did not feel like his old self either; his old self probably would have never realized or accepted just how deeply MacCready cared for him, nor how deeply he cared for MacCready in return. For the first time in his life - fabricated memories or otherwise - it did not matter who, or what, he was. Danse smiled, a full genuine smile that he had not shown even well before finding out he was a synth, and pulled MacCready into his lap. If the sniper gave an undignified squeak of surprise, neither one of them acknowledged it.

“I love you too, RJ.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title comes from the song Step With Me by MIKA.
> 
> This one came out longer than I intended it, and certainly longer than the last one; hopefully one of these days I can learn to control my word flow.
> 
> If you'd like to see me write for another pairing or challenge me with a prompt, please drop me a message.
> 
> Characters are not mine, they are owned by Bethesda, I would really like not to go to prison, blah blah blah.
> 
> Main Tumblr: betweenlovelines  
> Fallout RP Tumblr: the-folly-of-rin


End file.
